I’ve heard about sugar babies from various sources for years but it wasn’t until last year I realized it was actually a real thing. A while back, I did a series of Instagram posts talking about my experiences as a young woman in a relationship, and in one of the posts I mentioned how I was considering going sugar with another woman. That prompted a question from a reader on the subject, which I answered briefly. And it was then that I got the idea for Secret Benefits.
I’ve always been fascinated by the whole concept of “sugar daddies” – as in “What would I be willing to give to a man in exchange for a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship?” And, if I was given to understand correctly, sugar babies aren’t simply “trophy” wives but are, in fact, paid to provide emotional, physical, or financial support to their “sugar daddy” in exchange for the benefits he offers.
To me, the concept seemed absurd. Why would a woman, and especially a young woman, be so submissive as to do that? I mean, it’s fine and dandy if the sugar baby likes the idea, and is okay with the terms of the arrangement, but for many, including myself, it just seems a little too weird.
But now I know for certain that it’s real and a thing. I was recently contacted by the company Secret Benefits, which offers to connect female sugar babies with men looking for an easy way to find dates. In exchange for an agreed-upon fee (which varies from person to person), women get exclusive access to these men.
I’m pretty sure this is exactly how this was pitched to me:
“A ‘sugar baby’ is a woman who enters into a relationship with a man, in exchange for a monetary payment. The man can then take the woman on dates and make sure they have everything they need. The relationship is mutually beneficial, and is not the type that many people expect.”
The fact is, I’m not the only young woman to use SecretBenefits over the years. I’ve heard from a few who have been signed up for SecretBenefits, and have had their own experiences with the service. Here’s how it all went.
Meeting Mr. Right
In August of last year, I was approached by a woman named “Kate” (not her real name). She said her “boyfriend” had become very successful and wealthy and, though they were still dating, he wanted to take his relationship to the next level.
He’d previously had a few sugar babies, she told me, and he’d been looking to date again. She thought I’d be good for him, she said, and he seemed to like me. So, without telling him I was looking for a sugar daddy, I said “yes” to the proposition.
I wasn’t sure how this would play out, but I had a feeling I’d be getting $10,000 and “an amazing lifestyle,” so I took the plunge. I agreed to give him the details and I signed on the dotted line.
I went back to my home state and, for the next two months, I sent monthly checks. He and I were texting regularly, and I’d go on dates with the men. They’d make sure I had the best time and make sure I was getting everything I needed.
One of the men was a professional, another was a doctor, and the third was a pilot. I met all of them, and it was pretty cool. Some were good, some were okay, but overall, I was pretty pleased with the experience.
The whole thing didn’t seem too weird to me, and I didn’t even realize I was doing something wrong. I was just doing it for the cash and a fun time.
What I didn’t know is that there are men who want to meet sugar babies, and they’re pretty sick of the women they’ve been dating. According to my friend, she’s been approached by a lot of them, and she tells them, in so many words, that it’s not a scam, but that there’s just no good sugar baby for them out there right now. And it’s true – most women don’t seem to be interested in doing the thing for free, and men are willing to pay.
My time with SecretBenefits was brief, and I didn’t go out with the men all that often. The men were good to me, but I didn’t want to be too demanding in any way. My mom is also in the business, and she’s pretty much a feminist and I don’t want to turn my dad’s daughter into a sex-slave.
In retrospect, I don’t think it’s really a good idea for a man to try to control a woman’s activities, and I think I would’ve been a little concerned if he had asked for, say, a certain number of dates each week or whatever. The whole thing just felt awkward to me, but, again, I didn’t know anything was wrong.
My Final Thoughts On Sugar Dating
So I’ve been on both sides of the experience. I’ve been on the receiving end of what I’ll call “the SB life.” And I’ve been on the receiving end of the male equivalent, or “the sugar daddy life.” I’ve done it, I’ve been approached, and I’ve talked to a number of women who have been approached.
But for a long time, I didn’t really get what the whole thing was about. So I’ve put together my thoughts on the experience for the people who are interested.
There are pros and cons to each side of the equation, and a lot of it comes down to how you approach the whole thing. If you’re looking for “an easy way to find dates,” don’t expect to get a ton of attention. And if you’re looking for a way to “provide emotional, physical, or financial support to your sugar daddy” in exchange for the benefits he offers, don’t expect to get your hands dirty. It’s very much like any other form of dating, except youre being compensated for it.
But if you want the benefits the sugar daddy life, don’t expect it to be easy. Don’t expect it to be anything like traditional dating. The whole idea is a little weird, and it’s not like you can just walk into a bar and pick a man.